April 24, 2008 05:54 PM UTC

Dude From Olathe Wants to Be President

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• by: Colorado Pols

As the Grand Junction Sentinel reports:

The candidates getting all the airtime in the race to be the next U.S. president may be Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain, but now Jonathan Allen of Olathe has joined the fray.

Allen recently announced he’s running as an independent for the highest office in the land, and he plans to get on the ballot in every state.

The owner of Firstfruits International, a marketing and consulting firm, Allen said he has no political experience, but he’s a candidate people can trust.

“I drive an old car and have three kids, and I really understand what they are facing,” he said.

Allen said his international experience will help him in the arena of foreign relations.

“I have traveled around a good part of the globe, and I have a world of experience,” he said. “That’s what America needs in a president.”

America is behind other countries technologically, Allen said, and that goes back to education and a lack of discipline in the classroom.

“In the classroom, kids have lost general respect for learning and for teachers,” he said. “We have a more narcissistic and hedonistic culture.”

America needs a “heartquake” to wake up to simple morals and less corporate greed, he said.

What can we say negatively here? He’s a local boy, so he gets a point for that, and we’re suckers for made-up words like “heartquake.” Plus, he’s definitely qualified–he drives an old car, after all.

But unfortunately, we must return to your regularly scheduled programming.